Time to Turn Around!

Week #7:
Time to Push

The Grazianimal


Let’s talk football. Don your gasmasks. No sarin attacks are gonna stop this crowd from Sunday. Fantasy Football has been cooking along and I for one am sitting at 2 and 4 and expecting my usual late season push to put me over the top. This week is the turn in most leagues. Everybody squeezzzz!

Running Backs are what FF is all about, unless your wide receivers explode. This season has seen few major RB injuries so far, unless you count Shaun Alexander (but he was stinking it up). That means no free agent saviors yet. That also means that the guys that got drafted need to produce. Clinton Portis needs to produce. He started the season as the biggest question mark at the top of the draft. By now those injury issues are history, but the Redskins stinking up the field has become a front and center problem. Portis has yet to bust that mythical 100 yard plateau. He is spouting in the press about needing the team to put it on those shoulders of his. Portis owners better hope. 14 attempts in a game are not what a #1 RB is all about. That is Reggie Bush territory. With a crap Colt run D and the Skins in desperate need of a win, a ball control game plan is what’s needed to save the Washington season and put Portis owners in the pink.

LaMont Jordan is another guy that went first round way back when. He makes Portis look consistent with his horrible output so far this season. His team is the pits with their captain openly campaigning to be sent out of town and last week’s late game fumble making the highlight rounds. The good news is that the Raiders get perennial patsy Arizona this week. The bad news is that the Cards looked downright dangerous last week on Monday night against the toast of the league Bears. The Card D allowed none of those magnificent plays that Chi-Town used to shock those Monday insomniacs, allowing 168 total yards. Dennis Green might lose his job if the Cards let down in this game. LaMont is also nursing a bruised back. If you have another option this is the week to sit Jordan.

The Giants are a soap opera this season and week #7 has their #1 guy calling it quits in the media. The super savvy Tiki said all he wants to do is split this crowd and start learning at the foot of Boomer, Esiason or Berman will do. This could be a motivating ploy by the team leader to get his team to concentrate. I figure with most of the season ahead of him, Tiki might want to keep those yearnings to himself. Bill Parcells has got to be stressing to the Cowboys that Barber wants none of them. Both these teams need this game to keep the heat on the Eagles. The question is will it matter. Tiki Barber is the best back in FF right now. He might have a bad game on the road on Monday against a division opponent and still put up big numbers. He starts on every team in Fantasyland, just don’t look for 185 yards out of Barber this week.


All good owners play the match-ups. This week has the Lions traveling to the Swamp to play those better then expected Jets. This is a game where Fantasy points could be had. No way the defenses dominate in this game. Barlow and Washington on the Jets are good options if your roster has anything but two stud RB’s ahead of them. Also the Lions can’t stop the pass so Jet receiving options look good this week. Coles and Cotchery are probably owned, but TE Baker is out there in ¾ of leagues and is as good a spot start TE are you will find this week. Roy Williams is a stud, but Az-Zahir Hakim is owned by almost no one and will see as many balls as Mike Furrey. He is a nice flyer.

Last week I sat Jake Delhomme and used a guy with a better match up. I got burned. Still in this game looking for the downhill path will pay dividends over a season. Bad teams give up more yards and points. When your guys play bad teams then the odds move in your favor. Play Green Bay players in Miami and be careful of Mike Vick against Pittsburgh. It is not brain surgery. Play Panthers, don’t touch the Texans, unless you have Andre Johnson. See, piece of cake!

Brawlin' an' Rapin' YeeHaw!

T.O. and All Things Miami
By Bob “Grazianimal 52X” Graziano

So this football weekend saw 3 TD’s out of our favorite wide mouth and well over 3 felony assaults out of our most favorite work release program in Miami. Juan Uribe apparently shot a couple of dudes in the D.R., and Koren Robinson pleaded not guilty in this week’s NFL/DUI/DWI showcase. What this all means is that it is time again for sportswriters to pontificate on the State of Union or at least the state of Larry Coker’s job. Oh, I almost forgot, Fox Sports fired Lamar Thomas, Miami Alum, because during the brawl he said, among other things, that he wanted to take the elevator to the field and hop on in.
What does all this lunacy mean? On the one hand T.O. gets rewarded with playing time and redzone looks no matter what bizarre behavior he lets loose with and on the other Larry Coker can’t lose his job even though his football games look like extra scenes from Braveheart. Maybe that is on the same hand. This seeming Jock Crime Wave does not just include the big programs and guys we know by their initials. Just in today’s headlines two Albany Great Danes were facing rape charges. Jesus, I thought jocks got the girls willingly. They must have really wanted to go to Duke.
I don’t need to continue with the roll call. Anyone mildly interested in sports is aware that police blotter and the sports page are often one and the same. Indiana b-ballers, retired Dallas cowboys, anybody that calls their school “The U”. Didn’t they teach them the name of the place? I am no prude, or homebody. I understand that these guys lead high profile lives with any number of hangers-on and more paper then lotto winners. As they say, Feces Occurs, but shootings, rapes and drug arrests have become an all to common facet of the sports landscape.
We have to do better by our kids. Jocks are the most privileged of the lot, and the better they are the longer that we insulate them from the trials of everyday life. That may be why so often they end up on trial. These young men in Miami need to face some kind of real consequence. A week off in that party town is a favor not a punishment. They went apeshit wild for the second time this season. Show some of these dudes the door. Oh wait, then we have to deal with them. Never mind.
On second thought let these animals run wild, baby! I mean, I call myself the Grazianimal, don’t I? Is anybody really upset when the Hurricanes go nuts? The school doesn’t care. The suspensions handed down seemed the lightest imaginable. The University of Miami would not forgo one penny of revenue to show their students that Lunacy and Mass Rioting were not acceptable, so why should I feel any guilt for enjoying the same madness. If Duke students don’t have any shame asking that dancers incorporate broomsticks into their act then why do I feel bad about it? I could not get into Duke with a .38. If I tried the student body would probably return fire.

The Kicking Tee #2

The Kicking Tee #2

By Bob Graziano


Week 5 is upon us and now all owners should have a good idea about their own teams and their league as a whole. Should have picked another RB, huh? Still the Championship in every league should be very much in the air at this point. The Moves are There to be Made!

Randy Moss is just one highly drafted WR that is underperforming all over the football field this season. Joe Horn is looking old and slow for a Saint team making a youth movement. Joey Galloway followed a nice performance by catching one ball (it was for a TD) and losing his QB. All these guys might have been looked at as #1’s on draft day. A dude in my league passed on Anquan for Randy, whoops. If you need a player at WR look to the always humming Green Bay attack for Greg Jennings who has impressed as a rookie and developed a nice relationship with Brett Farve. And Koren Robinson does not have to go to jail ‘till May! With Donald Driver nursing bruised ribs these dudes might be see a lot of pigskin in the next few weeks. Also Arnaz Battle and Travis Taylor are guys that might need a team and look to see nice matchups week 5.

At QB some guys are rollin’ and some guys are getting rolled. Chad Pennington has looked like his old self this season. Culpepper has looked like he is standing in mud. If you need a QB because you bet on Daunte’ look to the Great White North for Brad Johnson. He has a nice opponent and he has shown since replacing Mr. Culpepper that he can throw TD’s and win games at home against mediocre teams. Damon Huard looked impressive last week, but be careful. The Chiefs are on the road and they have always been a team that likes home cooking. Also look to replace Mark Brunell this week. He is at the Meadowlands where he lost 36 nothing last year. The Skins could win a game a lot of ways that don’t compute to big QB numbers or they could take another whooping.

Running Back is the place where everybody could use a player, if not for your line-up then as trade bait. As previewed in this column Correll Buckhalter’s stock is rising now that Westbrook is missing time in Philly. Musa Smith has been a disappointment so far in Baltimore, but he is still young and since Jamal Lewis is disappointing as well, Smith might see carries and 3rd down passes in the weeks to come. He should be more available then his teammate Mike Anderson. The Jet situation at the start of the season looked like a Merry-Go-Round. Well the Go-Round tossed off Cedric Houston last week so Kevin Barlow (4 TD’s) and Leon Washington should see tries this week in Jacksonville. Ron Dayne is a guy that has a number one job in Houston and could be had in some leagues for free. You probably could do worse if you have to sub for a guy on a bye week.
Need a Defense, Vikings. Need a TE, Bubba Franks. Need a Kicker, Vinny Boom Batts should be back this week. Need somebody to talk to: grazianimal@columnist.com