Confrence Finals

Ohh Oh 0!

By Bob Graziano

Championship Week


The Championship games are upon us and we’ve got some interesting match-ups in store. As all you regular readers know I was perfect with my picks last week, 0 and 4! Not easy to do and a speed bump in what has been a superior season of prognostication. The Steelers showed that Boy Peyton still needs to grow up. The Cats of the Carolinas rode Super Steve to another big road victory. Denver snuffed the Dynasty and Seattle won without Alexander the Great in the Great Wet North. I was gonna pick all those guys I swear.

Before we discuss the big games, a little coaching news. The Jets promoted the ball boy to King of the Visiting Locker Room at Giants Stadium this week. Big news for the #4 draft pick and all the poor souls that root for the green and white. Coach Mangini gets to learn the ropes from the ground up because the Jets are a train wreck of a franchise. No QB, an injured and aging RB, a decimated Offensive line, and one all-pro linebacker. That is all Little E gets along with the big raise. Let’s hope he paid attention to Big Bill when he stood at his side. The Jets will need patience as things will get worse before they get better. Jet fans have the patience of Job.

The Lions fired Mariucci and hired Marinelli. I thought they were going in a different direction. Sounds like an Eye-talian ta me! Marinelli has been coaching the Tampa D to the top of the NFL. Now let’s see if he can motivate all those wide receivers and two dumb QB’s.

I don’t know about you guys but I have been hearing about Steve Smith all season. The Bears looked like they had played their season with the TV off. Steve ran around Chicago like Belushi on a coke binge. The Chi-town coverage was a joke and Speedy made them pay. The Seahawks had better account for #89.

The Steelers shocked the world with a big-time game plan that had the Colts guessing from the word go. Peyton was feeling the pressure before he even took the field and started shaking like a leaf under the Steeler onslaught. Then the ref’s put on a show with the replay. I can’t rant anymore about stupid replay. And it all ended with another example of the Cardinal Rule of Playoff Football. Don’t bet on that kicker to save your ass.

The Broncs put an end to the Belichek reign. Although If the refs had gotten the Ben Watson play right we might be discussing how Brady is unbeatable. But any way you look at it Denver hosts the Steelers this Sunday. Jake Plummer threw only 7 picks in the regular season and one last week to put the hurt on his biggest bugaboo. The Denver attack has the finest running game left standing now that SA is dizzy and disappearing for the big games. The Broncos will be at home and a mile high, and I don’t mean Snoop Dogg is visiting on the sidelines. The Steelers march in with the second best ground attack and a passing attack that just put the kibosh on the Colts. I really think that Big Ben is going to be on the first ballot when he finally hangs it up. Bill Cowher really showed me something by outthinking Tony Dungy last week. Shanahan has the rings. This game will be one for the ages.

I think Denver is the better team. Plummer is the most mobile QB playing this week and that kind of mobility can make your defenders look foolish. Anderson, Bell and Dayne in Shanahan’s system will pile up the tough clock-chewing yards coaches love. The Denver D plays at home and Champ won’t quit on the 5 yard line this week. All good reasons for a Big D victory. Here’s the But. Big Ben does not like to lose. Jerome Bettis’ happy feet have been making defenders miss for twenty years and I think he wants a ring. Hines Ward is the best receiver in the game. The Pitt D and Cowher will make Plummer real mobile. I have the Steelers in an upset on the road.

I didn’t think Seattle would win with Shaun, so winning without him was surprising. I have been impressed with their defense all season. Hassleback is a strong solid veteran QB with a nice set of receivers to throw to. In fact, after Mr. Smith, he has the second, third and fourth best options in the game in the persons of Jackson, Engram and Joey J. The question mark at running back is a big deficit for the Hawks, but Carolina is on third string Nick Goings so they will be hard pressed to exploit that advantage. In Goings defense he was real good late last year when pressed into the starting role. Carolina has John Fox on the sidelines, a monster defensive line, and the best player in football right now. It is easy to say that Seattle will just double #89, but nobody can stop this guy right now and when he breaks free Delhomme puts it up with precision. Delhomme also knows what it takes to win the Conference and you can’t put a value on a crazy man that wants to win the ring that he missed by the slimmest of margins. We have one good Sunday worth of football ahead of us. Just in time for the two week layoff and notoriously one-sided Super Bowl.

This game will devolve into a shootout. Neither team has a great option at running back so expect the passes to fly. In that situation I am going to go with the best passer quarterback combo. Steve Smith will make the difference in this game. I don’t see another 200 yards, but 120 will do it. Goings will surprise everybody with a week to prepare for the starting role. SA not only has a concussion, but he has never shown he can do it in the playoffs. I think the Cat D gets the slightest edge. Another good game with the winning team probably the one with a couple of big turnover plays.

The good news is that I can’t lose 4 games this week. The bad news is that I just picked two road dogs. Tell me how you lost the rent @ grazianimal@columnist.com

The Playoffs Roll!

Football Fires Everybody or Week 19

By Bob Graziano


Before we discuss this week’s games, I want to bring up the coaching carousel that has spun with abandon in the last two weeks. The number of dismissed Heads of Pigskin Playcalling is at nine and counting. Some guys had it coming (Norv “please just give me a coordinator’s job” Turner) and others ran screaming from their offices (Jim “taxi!” Haslett). In other places guy got the ax in spite of success. Yeah I am talking about Mike Tice.

All this guy did was turn around a sunken ship. His all-pro quarterback was indicted this year. Indicted! It is also no coincidence that the turnaround started as soon as they carted said all-pro off the field with a severely twisted hambone. Culpepper is without any doubt the capo of that crew. And he had half the team, mired in the middle of that early season butt whooping streak, out on Lake Minnetonka partying like it was the off season. As soon as Dulpepper got ushered out of the picture the team started to play ball. So they toss the guy who engineered the whole thing? Ziggy, wake up Dude! Brad Childress is gonna do better?

The Jets got lucky with Herm Edwards. Not only was he smart enough to get them to the playoffs in 3 of his 5 seasons, but he was smart enough to run for the hills after this 4 and 12 train wreck. The Jets lost the whole team to injury this season including the here-for–to indestructible Curtis Martin. His franchise QB has a busted wing. This is a problem in a quarterback. The only good news is their draft pick, but the only guy that ever drafted well for the Jets is named Bill and works for the Cowboys. Time to split like a banana baby! The Jets should be thrilled with compensation for a guy with a lifetime losing record. Now if the Jets can lure a coach that doesn’t stink and can evaluate talent…

The football this week will be divine. The pretenders have been shown the door and the ballers are gonna throw down for our viewing enjoyment. I was one ruptured knee joint away from a perfect week. My chances for omnipotence all but destroyed along with Carson Palmer’s left leg. ‘Dems da brakes. This week we got Peyton and Alexander the Great to handicap, along with Tom Terrific and that superior Bears defense.

The first game this week, Saturday afternoon, has those streaking Skins visiting the Stout Seahawks of Paul Bunyan land. Another great coaching match-up as Gibbs faces Holmgren. All indicators point to the Hawks, except the Washington Natives already beat those unbeatable Birds this season. A team that wins with a hundred twenty yards on offense can beat anybody. Alexander has been outstanding this season by any measure. His postseason record has been spotty at best. Two games, 85 yards, but in one game his 45 yards included three TD’s. I am sure the Seattle braintrust would sign off right now for the 45 and 3 touches. The Red Machine won’t give up three on the ground. I think they can engineer this upset. The Seattle Dee is underrated but the Skins just had Tampa to deal with so any team will be a relief. Portis can, if he is healthy, go shot for shot with the Green Gorilla. I don’t see them having the worst offensive output in history two weeks in a row. And the Skin D will be the better one on the field. The Gibbs parade keeps rollin’.

The Pats are going to Mile High for an AFC rumble in the Saturday night game. The Brady Boys are the chic pick, but Denver has been super all year. Big time coaching match-up as Obi-Wan faces off against “I’ll turn your Mama into a 1000 yard rusher” Shanahan. I can see The Jedi master winning this one with a mind trick easy. Plummer had a real good season finally putting a stop to his habit of playing for the other team every once in a quarter. Brady is so good it is unreal. Last week 3 td’s no picks and we’ll see ya later Jacksonville. The guy is 28 and already on the short list for greatest ever. I can’t pick against him. My bet is another Vinatieri dagger in the heart of all the Mountain Boys.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! Kick it off with a Colts win as the Steelers are gonna lose this one, unless they snap Peyton’s twigs.

This Just In… Mike Mularkey has quit on Buffalo. I can’t even write an article without a coaching change this season. Couldn’t they see that Mike was full of Mularkey?

The Cats take the plane to Soldier Field and face a keyed up Bear team in the playoff for the first time in recent memory. Well I guess they showed up in 2001 for a quick exit. The Panthers dismantled the G-men on the road last week causing much grumbling in Giant circles. I don’t understand how anybody thinks a team that is handing out linebacker numbers in the parking lot before the game can make noise on the field. Defense is important. And the Bears have it in spades. They were the #2 Dee this season and I think the Bucs would trade the crown to be playing this week. Steve Smith is freakin’ awesome. The Bears will have their hands full. DeShaun Foster ran like the wind last week and there is no way he matches that output against this team. The Bear O has taken its lumps all year but the kid kept the ship afloat and King Rex has the confidence of his team. The Cats have Delhomme and he has that winning gene that all QB’s would give a finger for. The Panthers always have that gunslinger’s chance. This game has the smallest spread with the visitors getting a point or 1 and a ½. Tom Jones has run for the tough yards all season. He had a career changing season as the go-to guy in Chi-town. It will be 30 degrees colder then last week in the swamp. Lovie will have the team prepared. I got the Monsters.

This week The Redskins raid Fort Hawk, The Donkeys watch the season go all red, white and blue, The Colts start a big run and the Bears represent in the 2nd city.

Communicate with the Oracle @ grazianimal@columnist.com

Playoffs Baby!!

Playoff Football Is HERE!

Week 18

By Bob Graziano

The pretenders are dismissed and the contenders are poised to battle for the gridiron crown. After a fantastic fantasy season we can all enjoy the big boy rumble that is about to unfold. Will it be the season of the Peyton or will Shaun stampede the field? Read on young gamblers, the Grazianimal will reveal all.

The first week of playoff games have essentially all the longshots for the Lombardi trophy. The real good regular season teams have this week off. That doesn’t mean the eventual winner is not before us. Teams have gotten to the Promised Land from the wildcard positions before, and this season will be wild with a reigning champion just begging to be put out to pasture after a super run.

The first game has the Redskins traveling to Tampa Bay on Saturday afternoon to get this party started right. The Redskins have a chance to erase the week 10 1-point loss from the memory banks. That game was marred by really questionable officiating. In that way it was like damn near every other game this season. The Skins are the hottest team in the playoffs rolling off five in a row to end the regular season. The Bucs had a damn good run losing their starting QB only to have Chris Simms step right in and take the team to 11 and 5 and a division title. Santana Moss might have had the most surprising season of anybody at wide receiver, but he only beats out Joey Galloway by a nose. Caddy-Lac was the offensive rookie of the year. Clinton Portis was the clown prince of the league this season and had a 1500 yard year to boot. Gibbs faces off against Gruden, this game is gonna be awesome! The Skins are gonna win because Simms was a 30 yard fingertip and a blown call away from losing the first one. The Redskins were in the middle of a midseason swoon that they have put squarely in the rearview mirror. SM is as dangerous as any threat in the league and that means more room for the better back on the field. Brunell is back on his feet and I’ll take his experience over Simms’ youth. The Washington defense is playing better after a slow start. The Buc D’ is the best in the league, so it will be close.

Game 2 on Saturday night has the Jags visiting Super Tom and his red, white, and blue wrecking crew. I am going to make this one real simple. There is no way that both road teams win on the first day of the playoffs. Pats pound Lord Byron and New England has at least one more game of dynasty.

Sunday has the Giants hosting the Panthers in the early game. The Giants won the division so Eli and the boys can hold their heads high no matter how hard to please the New York fans are. Since the Eagles fired T.O., Steve Smith is inarguably the best WR right now on the pitch. This might be the best starting four defensive ends in the playoffs. Tiki Barber just had back to back 200 yard games and has simply turned himself into a top 5 player in the game. Jake Delhomme has a Super Bowl appearance on his resume and I think he is licking his lips at the thought of attacking the extremely depleted G-man secondary. This game will be back and forth, but in the end I think that the Cats have a better chance of stopping Tiki then the Giants do of even sniffing Little Steven. The future’s bright in the land of blue but the weekend will be a miserable one for a team that has overachieved this season.

The last game of this wild card weekend has the Steelers visiting Cincy in an AFC south grudge match. How is this for tight: Both teams went 11 and 5, they were one and one against each other this year, and they both won on the other team’s field. Carson Palmer came of age this year as an NFL QB. His team is stocked with superstar wideouts and a running back that had 1458 yards, good enough for 7th in the league. The Steelers use the running back committee of Staley, Parker, and Bettis and it is their team that is considered the ground threat. Ben Roethlisberger has as good a start to a career as anyone since a guy named Dan started to sling pigskin in Sun Town. Hines Ward has been a big part of that start. He is as good of a receiver as any and just passed Lynn Swann on the TD chart for the Steelers. In the end Hines will be grinning in Canton, but will he be smiling on Sunday night? I usually prefer experience over youth and this game is a test case for that theory. The line has the Yellow and Black as a road favorite by 3 and a half. This is the toughest pick of the week. The consensus all around the land is Pittsburg so I have the tigers in an upset at home. I’ll take Rudi, Carson, Chad and T.J. can’t spell his name over the Can’t Get Up the Stairs on Monday Steelers.

Here is the future. Redskins piss off papa Simms, The Brady Bunch dominance continues, Cat Scratch Fever, and The Bengals win one for the Grazianimal.

e-mail Bob and tell him how awesome he is @ grazianimal@columnist.com.